COVID Crazy

This year has been insane!

Anyone else feel like you're going a little crazy?  I know I'm not alone in this! LOL!!

I think that the hardest part of this year has been all the uncertainty.  I mean, for me I started working again and then the office I worked for closed.  Then it's been trying to find jobs to work remotely from home and all of that craziness!

Then comes the stress for us parents: do you send your kids back to school or do the virtual school platform?  

It was such a hot button issue for many people that I saw on social media, and everyone had their own opinions.  I'm such a firm believer that people need to make the choices that are right for them and they have the right to do that.

For me, I choose to keep my kids at home with me.  I'm not going to lie, I was very nervous about it, especially with all that common core math that drives me INSANE!!!!

I have to say though, now that we are in the second quarter of school, I made the right choice for me and my girls!  They have excelled and are doing so well!  They have learned more responsibility by know what time they need to be in school or go back to class after lunch and recess, I couldn't be more proud!  Plus, they're excited to learn!  They love to come and tell me what they have learned on their breaks, and the smiles on their faces make me so excited too!  

They also have improved their grades from where they ended last school year!  They are thriving and loving every minute of it!  They want to do science experiments with me and are just so happy!  Plus, they are feeling more independent because they are the ones making sure that they log into school and do all of their work.  

What amazes me is how much they both love to learn things outside of school and take on more responsibility too!  They want to help with the cooking and cleaning more than ever, and they are even doing their laundry own their own!  I have to help a little with pouring the detergent, but they are on it 100% and like to do it! 

Then they want me to teach them more about knitting and crocheting.  Let me tell you, they are better knitters than I could ever have been at their age!!!!!  It makes my heart so proud to see them learning and growing, and there are times I wish it would slow down.  We even one day moved all the furniture around and turned my house into a roller rink!!  There were lots of laughs that day!!

This year has been crazy, but I think that for my little family it has been kind of awesome too.  While the girls can drive me insane sometimes and you feel like you need your mommy juice, the memories I am making with them and the things they are learner are absolutely priceless!  I've made it a point to take the time to paint with them and craft with them.  We sit down and pick a movie and each have our own little projects that we work on.  We get to laugh and enjoy this time while we are making something pretty that we will all enjoy.

I think that is the biggest thing that we can all take away from this year.  While your family can drive you crazy, learn to embrace and enjoy those little quiet (or in my house not so quiet hahaha!!) moments that are making magical memories for your family!  I hope that you all are safe and happy and may God bless you all!

Mom Shaming

Well, it certainly has been a while since I've felt inspired to write on here, but here I am with an issue that I feel like every mom has had to deal with and makes being a mom even harder. 

Mom Shaming.

It's an epidemic and a major problem.

The hard part is, it can come from so many different places that you just feel blindsided.  Some people can make it seem like they are giving friendly advice, while others are just blatantly horrible about it.  It can range in topic from your birth plan to how you decide to school your children and so many other things!!!  

What I felt was the hardest was when it came from those that were the closest to me (or so I thought).  

Obviously, I had experience with mom shaming before this year.  I mean, when you opt to have a c-section because you don't want to have both types of births at the same time, people that are very against anything but natural birth will let you know.  Lucky for me, the c-section was the right way, and I can understand why people feel that way about surgery, but ultimately for me it was about the safest way for me to bring my children into the world and let me take care of them and be present for them from birth on.

The second experience was when I just couldn't produce any milk so I stopped even trying to pump.  It had been a week and I was taking care of two infants by myself during the day and trying to pump at the same time.  I found I wasn't resting at all and they were thriving on formula so that was what we opted for.  

The most recent for me has been the hardest by far.  I became a single mom in the past year, and that is hard in itself.  Then you add in the COVID pandemic and trying to get myself out of a depressive funk and healthy again, it was a mix made in hell!  

When I became a single mom, I was at the most depressed and anxiety ridden that I had ever been in my life.  I was down to 85 pounds and was seriously scared for my health.  I knew that I had to pull it together for my girls and find my strength again.  So I did.  It took a while, and I had my fair share of pity parties (which anyone going through that knows is needed.  You can't hold those emotions in, it's not healthy!!!), but I finally found myself going out on my own again.  I would take myself out to my favorite place for a glass of wine when I didn't have the girls, just to get out of the house and expose myself to people again.

One night I met a guy.  I wasn't too sure about him but I gave him my number.  We started talking and ended up going out on a few dates.  When Valentines Day rolled around he asked if he could swing by to ask my daughters if it was ok for him to ask me to be his Valentine.  It was so sweet and they were so excited and thought that they had surprised me with it.

I got a lot of criticism for doing that.  I understand where it was coming from, but I also know my girls.  I knew that if I was going to be bringing someone into my life I wanted to make sure that they were comfortable with the person.  If they weren't, it would be a no go from the start.  I had always said that I wouldn't introduce them to someone until I was sure (if I ever had to be in that position).  The problem is you can say something all you want, but until you are going through it you really don't know what is best for you and your family.  

I know that I'm not a person to jump from relationship to relationship, or to introduce a new "daddy" every week.  That isn't me, but I wasn't going to consider something moving forward without the girls feeling comfortable.  It worked for me and my situation, but I can understand how that might not work for everyone else.  I have known people that waited until they had been with a person for years before introducing them to their children, and that worked for them and that is amazing!  

Ultimately, I think that biggest thing is finding what you are comfortable with.  As moms, I feel like we have an internal gauge that lets us know when something is right or wrong.  The biggest thing I think as women and moms we have to remember is we have instincts for a reason!!!!!!!

If your gut is telling something is right for your family, listen to it, but also make an educated decision.  Think about the pros and cons and see if it still works for you!  People can tell you "Hey, everyone is breastfeeding and you should be too", and that may be true, but if the situation arrives and you're not physically able to, don't beat yourself up!!  If your marriage or relationship ends and you still have smiling happy children that feel loved, safe and secure, your doing something right!!

At the end of the day, those kids are the most important thing.  I know I'm doing right by my girls when the call to say they miss me and that they just want to do fun things with me.  Their smiles and joy brought me back to life and let me know that at the end of the day, I'm doing something right!!  Don't let the mom shaming take that feeling away from you ever!!!!!

I just wanna bury my head!

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written anything.  It's been a little crazy, and I mean that I've been a little crazy.  Or so I thought....

Lately I've been home more with my girls, and it's great to be able to get to do things that I wasn't able to do before.  Then came the sinking feeling that I didn't want to leave the house.  Come to find out, I've been suffering with some anxiety/depression problems.  I really thought that I was going crazy!  I didn't even want to go places with my kids for fear that I would have a panic attack.  Then I would feel guilty about not going and missing out on it.  

It's been getting better, but I'm still working on me.  I know that this runs in my family, and the hardest part has been admitting that I just couldn't make it better on my own.  I've cried more than I have in a long time, and my poor girls have watched me go through it.  That's not the mom I want to be and it kills me.  I want to be the happy mom that plays and goes everywhere to experience those things with them.  

I never wanted to go on medication, but it does seem to be helping.  I hope that I keep getting better, and I'm trying every day to do things and get out with my girls.  I know that I'm not alone, and it seems to be worse when the girls both want something from me!  If you are a parent of twins, you know what I mean, when they come into the room both screaming at you for something?  It can be overwhelming and that makes it harder.  

I have found support from friends, family, and coworkers that I never expected.  If you are going through something similar, just know, you aren't crazy, you are not alone!  Together we can get through anything, and God will help us with the rest!  Stay strong, and try to find a reason to smile everyday!  

Mine is when my girls play nicely together and find something to laugh over!  That is the sweetest sound!

No, I can do IT!!!

The dreaded sentence that every mom with a schedule hates to hear!  It never fails, when you are trying to get the kids ready to leave and you  NEED to be there on time, this is when they decide that a task that they haven't done on their own yet can be done all by themselves.

As parents, you want to let your children do things on their own, and we spend enormous amounts of time teaching them to do things.  It makes our life easier, sometimes, right??  It's exciting and a proud moment when you watch your child put their socks on by themselves, or shoes on, or shirt on, for the first time.  Now, imagine two children at the same stage, and one can do it fast, and the other still takes a little bit more time!  That's what life is like in our house!  Normally you can sit and let them work on getting the task done, and enjoy the sweet taste of accomplishment when your child grins up at you once they have done it on their own.  

The big problem, like I said before, is when you have to keep to a schedule.  With twins,  you automatically take some extra time to get the kids ready.  When they start wanting to be more independent, and INSIST on it, it's going to take even MORE time!  What happens when one can do it before the other one?  Well, an all out war happens.  You want to help the one that needs a little help, but if her sister can do it, "NO!!!  I can do IT!!!" becomes the most said phrase in the house.  Then the taunting happens!!  It's always a competition in our house.  

So, what is the best way to diffuse this situation?  For me, it's all about finding a task that the other one can do while the one that needs the little extra time finishes what she was doing.  Like getting one to brush their own teeth or hair while the other one finishes putting on their shoes.  Just make sure that you praise them both for what they have each done, and those smiles will light up your whole day!!

Where did the babies go?

In this journey of raising twins, it's been a crazy, hectic ride!  It seems like just yesterday I could hold them both in my lap at the same time, and now we squeeze into the chair together!  In the blink of an eye, they are growing up and developing their own personalities, likes and dislikes.  Even though there are still some sleepless nights, meltdowns, temper tantrums, and fights to break up, I miss those times when they were so little!

I miss the way they could just fall asleep on me for a nap!  Now I can barely get them to sit still long enough to watch one cartoon.  This time goes so fast, and I can't stress enough how to cherish it!  I feel like I haven't just stopped and done that as much as I should, because, let's face it, life gets in the way.  The dishes need to be done, dinner needs to be made, and so on.  

There are times where I feel like I'm not doing such a great job as a mom.  These are hard moments, and we are our worst critics.  The big thing is, don't compare yourself to other moms, it's just not worth it.  If you are out with your kids and feeling frantic, breaking up fights or telling them to lower their voices, and  you look over and there's another mom with kids that are so well behaved, it's hard not to do just that.  You never know what their struggles may be.  Always keep that in mind!

I was having one of those days last week when I took my girls to VPK.  It was like pulling teeth to get them in the car, I had to get to work, they weren't listening, and I was just so OVER it!  I hate to yell, and I feel like I jump to that so fast, so raising my voice doesn't work AT ALL!!  Hahaha!  (Lesson learned, point to the girls!)   By the time I got them to school and got to work, I just had to take a huge breath and move on with my day.  I was feeling sad about that baby stage where mommy is everything and they wanted to listen to me.  If only they could stay that way!!  

I got to their school to pick them up and it was like they were new children!  They both ran up to me with huge grins and hugs.  They told me they were so happy to see me and how much they missed me!  It was like they didn't remember how we weren't that happy with each other this morning.  This made it all worth it!  I mean, it was like having those little babies back!  Even it was just for a few minutes, I stopped and just hugged them and enjoyed it!  

As they get older, it can be sad to know that those baby times are gone, but moments like this will remind you that no matter what, you will always be their mommy, and they will always be your babies!  Hug them a little tighter, and take the time to just live in the moment, even if it's just a couple times a day!  They won't remember the time outs or the frustrations, all they will remember is that extra long squeeze, and that mommy was there for them.  You're doing great, Mom, YOU are doing GREAT!!!!

The Toys Have Taken OVER!!!!!

As anyone with multiple children (not just twins!) knows the pain that comes with toys!  They are just everywhere!  You have bins or toy boxes to store them in throughout the house.  With kids that are close in age and of the same gender, of course you have multiples of the same toys!  So how do you keep them organized?  

For us, I put them into those collapsible bins that can go into the bookshelves.  Do you know what I'm talking about?  They have them at Target and the Dollar Store.  I was tempted to have two sets, one for each girl, but they really do trade off which one the claim is theirs a lot.  Instead, I decided to put them into like categories.  

To do this, think about all the toys they have, even down to the ones that come in the fast food kids meals!  My girls love those, and play with them for a bit, but then forget about them.  Once this happens, I go through and toss the ones that they don't play with anymore.  I feel bad at first, but guess what??!!  They don't even notice that they are gone!  Once I had my categories figured out, I went and got the boxes to put them in.  

In my house, horses and ponies (My Little Pony) are a BIG deal!  I have one for just the ponies and horses!  I put them into it, and all those little accessories that come with them, I took an old Halloween bucket and put those into it, that way they didn't get tangled up in the hair.  Next was the barbies, and I did the same thing with their accessories!  It takes a bit to get this all together at first, but let me tell you what!  Having all those toys have a place makes clean up easier!

The girls are in VPK now, and their teacher is doing a letter a week for them to learn about.  To get them to help clean up, I turn it into a game!  We play find the toy that starts with the letter __, and put it in it's place.  This is helping to clean their rooms, and at the same time they are learning more about the letters and words!  It doesn't always work, but we are learning and growing as we go, and at the end of the day, they were learning and cleaning at the same time!  Parenting is tough, but the thing that I'm learning is that I will learn how to be a better parent to them everyday, just by the things that they show me!

Toddlers going on Teens!!!

Now that my girls are 4, I can look back on the years of the two's and three's and grin, shake my head, and just say "Welp, it was loud and fun!".  Anyone that has had kids knows those years when they start to figure out that they can throw temper tantrums, say no, and just plain try to rule the house.  It's loud (there is no such thing as inside voices!!), and it's tiring!  Have lot's of coffee and wine (or other adult juice available) for when it's appropriate!  (Like at 5 o'clock when your other half gets out of work and you just want to go pee by yourself!)

It can be very frustrating when your 2 or 3 year old is in the store and just starts throwing a fit.  I have had to break up fights and you just try to either grin and bear it, shop fast, and get the hell out of dodge, or you can pack them up and leave the store as a punishment for them.  Neither way is very fun, but THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!  There is a light at the end of the tunnel!  The hardest part is for you to stay calm while these two little people that think they are really old enough to make the decisions are trying to rip every shred of your patience away from you.  

I know I've made this sound horrible, and you will loose your patience some.  Just know that others have been there, and have survived!!  And at the end of the day when those little ones just want your snuggles and kisses, and you get that first real "I love you Mommy", it makes all the headaches, stress, anxiety, and frustration worth it!!  I promise!!


I mean, who could really stay mad at these smiles!!  Am I right??